18 September 2008

I incur the downfall as the result of lacking concentration through out the previous period at work. Since last September, I have been looking for more on my country than myself.

I woke up with the thought of what happened the previous night to Burma. I ate with the news of arresting, protests, and prediction about Burmese's future. I stared at the computer screen the whole day and thought about what would be right; what would be wrong; which would be the best way; what would be the meaning of the most famous and popular word 'DEMOCRACY' for us; whose words were the most dramatic and realistic way for the freedom of my homeland; how to built a free and equal, develop physically mentally and multinational republic nation along with some kinds of big open and best mind, etcetera etcetera. I did it emotionally, hopefully and enthusiastically. I even dropped some of my long-lost tears for the photo shots and videos of the events. I listened the songs of Ga Bar Ma Khay, Do BaMar, and 8888 with big voraciousness of the freedom for my homeland.

As a young man, my opinion fall onto the area of revolution by any means as our National Father Bo Gyote Aung San did though I still believe in people power as the only possible way so far. I wanted to be a part of it. But I knew that something was not right for me. I didn't have enough courage for going back to the home and doing it. I am sure if I were in Yangon last September, I would be at the front line and no one would be able to predict my life now. I sorrowfully come to know and accept as many young Burmese like myself do not have enough courage or enough knowledge to do it, to risk their life or, more than that to risk their family members life. They also do not believe in the current environment of fighting for democracy. True words hurt us sometime.

"It's not enough to care about the world. Caring and feeling emotions is a waste of time and energy. Unless we get up and do something about the things we care about, it would be irrelevant."
[1997 Nobel Peace Laureate, Jody Williams]

The above words clean me a lot of my confusion. I got this from a famous Burmese blog, The One Whose Name Gyittu's odds and ends. It is absolutely right to me. We may get some advantages for caring others or worrying about them without going through with any exercise. Nobody doubts it will be definitely better and more productive if we exercise it.But knowing and exercising is still a bit, perhaps a big, different to me. I am not a hero. Sadly, I understand that without the young Burmese active efforts there will not be any freedom to our future as the only way to effect change is to participate by all Burmese and I also do feel it like my responsibility though, honestly, I am still afraid of picking it up to my shoulders. At last, I have to accept I am still an ordinary Burmese who does not have anything enough to fight from the front line and being like this is also a main reason of full of oppression in Burma instead of freedom. But I believe strongly that our bad era will surely come to demise one day in which we all boldly united and I am now trying to be there.

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